How To Kill Your Wife

from We Win At Scrabble by The Velcro Quartet

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lyrics

Have you ever thought about murdering your wife?
Push her off a building and then claim she took a dive?
Claim she took a dive.

Have you ever thought about killing your wife?
About cutting out the nagging and the lies and the strife?
The nagging?
The lies?
The nagging?
The lies?
The nagging, the lies and the strife.

Darling, your friends are going to miss you,
When you're gone.
Oh honey, the boys are going to miss you,
When they no longer can kiss you.
'Cos you're six feet down.
You're underground.
You're six feet down,
And your friends can't help you now.

Have you ever fantasised about ending her life?
Cut her into pieces and then bake her into pies?
Into tasty, wife-flavoured pies.

Have you ever though about doctoring her will?
Feed her lots of poisoned pills and say she just fell ill?
Do you think you have it in you to kill?

Darling, your friends are going to miss you,
When you're gone.
Oh honey, the boys are going to miss you,
When they no longer can kiss you.
'Cos you're six feet down.
You're underground.
You're six feet down,
And your friends can't help you now.

Have you ever thought about chopping her in half,
And then soaking her for days in a cast-iron, acid bath?
Would you consider chopping her in half?

Have you ever thought about murdering your wife?
Sneaking up behind her with a rusty butter knife?
Have you planned how to murder your wife?

Oh Officer!
Told you I didn't kill her.
She told me she's staying with her sister.
Your honour!
I was playing golf, sir.
You can check my alibi 29 times,
If you would like.

Darling, your friends are going to miss you,
When you're dead.
Oh honey, the boys are going to miss you,
When they no longer can kiss you.

'Cos you're six feet down.
You're underground.
You're six feet down.
Under the ground.
You're six feet down.
You're under ground, you're
Six feet down,
Under the ground, you're,
Six feet down,
(There's a faint banging sound)
And your friends can't help you now!

credits

from We Win At Scrabble, released May 1, 2010

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The Velcro Quartet Glasgow

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