Jack and Mary, sitting in a tree: "This hill is scary, Jack, will you hold me?" "Of course I'll hold you on this long, cold night. I'll hold you close. I'll hold you tight." Two young lovers, sitting on a hill: Jack and Mary looking for their thrill. Little did they know what lay beneath. Two bare bodies over baring teeth. A pack of dogs was buried there. Jack and Mary neither knew, nor cared. After years and years of underground slumber, Former pets had worked up quite a hunger. Run young lovers. Run for your lives. The dead dogs are coming with teeth like knives. Run young lovers. Get a headstart; The dead dogs are coming to rip you apart. I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill. On Dead Dogs. I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill. On Dead Dogs' Hill. Jack and Mary, all out of breath, Running wild they're chased by death. Their only hope is to get to the car, Don't look behind you, it can't be far! Two young lovers could hear the sound, Of a hundred paws pounding on the ground. "They're gaining, Jack! I can hear them coming!" "Don't turn round! Just keep running!" I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill. On Dead Dogs. I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill. On Dead Dogs' Hill. Jack and Mary were both found dead. On November frost their bodies bled. Their skeletons were scattered round, all around blood-spattered ground. The moral of the tale is this, my dear, Can you read me loud and clear?: Don't ever go in search of a thrill, Up on the grisly Dead Dogs' Hill. If you don't pay heed to this simple warning, You'll find you don't awake next morning. So remember this tale of Jack and Mary; A tale of tails to keep you wary. I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill, On Dead Dogs. I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill. On Dead Dogs' Hill. I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill. On Dead Dogs. I tell you I never felt quite a chill, Like the chill I felt up there on Dead Dogs' Hill, And when the sun goes down they will eat their fill, Up on Dead Dogs' Hill. On Dead Dogs' Hill.

Oh my legs are broken in three places. And my kneecaps have been bitten off. I am hiding underneath my duvet, But they simply have not had enough. No, not yet. Monsters are coming to get me, And I don't know where to hide. Monsters are coming to get me. Oh I really don't know where to hide. Everybody here in Glasgow, Is cheering just for me. I am fighting them all bare-handed. But they're fighting me bear-clawed. Monsters are coming to get me, And I don't know where to hide. Monsters are coming to get me. And I am completely fucked. Monsters are coming to get me. And I don't know where to hide. Monsters are coming to get me. And I don't know where to hide. Oh monsters have eaten my parents. And now they've come back for me. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh who will save me now?

Let me introduce myself: They call me the doctor. I've got a degree, And I like poetry. And I own my own feather duster. I like to wash in behind my ears, And starch up my white collars. Because I'm a fine, upstanding, Victorian gentleman. My house is painted one colour. In the tradition of a Gothic novel, I hid away in my hovel, Furthering my knowledge, With skeletons locked behind doors. Concocting caustic cocktails. Take note of every detail. Don't know what I've created, But I think it's time for a night-cap. I'm Mr. Hyde and I'm out of my mind. Yeah I'm on a rampage. Lock up your children and hide! I said don't touch me! Don't touch me! I'm so famous they named a park after me. I've got an itchy, itchy, itchy, itchy demon inside me. It's boiling my blood and molesting my mind. I said shoot! I'm Mr. Hyde with pure evil inside. I'm a walking talking killer and I'm dead inside. Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Lalalalalalalala I'm not listening! Trick or treat? Trick or treat? I'll come a-knocking. Trick or treat? Trick or treat? I'll come a-knocking. Trick or treat? Trick or treat? I'll come a-knocking. Trick or treat? Trick or treat? I'll come a-knocking.

Ebenezer lived alone. He always had done. Since he was a child, He'd had no-one. No-one to tuck him in. No-one to make him feel loved. No-one to wipe his tears, When he was finding things tough. He only had one friend; He lived on vinyl. His name was Johnny Cash. And it was final. He loved him like a brother. He loved him more with every day. Ebenezer would spend the hours, Finger on the button marked 'Play'. That day it started. The night departed not for him. He brushed his teeth 39 times. He liked his eggs with the sunny side up. He said that it reminded him, To not give up and pack it in. Until he heard a voice, Upon his wireless radio. His only friend had died. It was September. He couldn't remember the last time, He'd cried so hard as these monsoon rains that he had cried. In his room he sat in tears, For the best part of two years. He never left his home. He was just a bag of bones. Last week he faced his fear, And left his flat to buy food. Before he knew it, At checkout number 5 he stood. She said: "Hello, Sir. Is there anything else at all? Would you like cashback? Would you like Cash back?" "I want Johnny Cash back! Cos' I'm all alone! He was my only friend, And now he's gone, I can't pretend that I'm alright! I can't pretend that things are fine! Well life's unfair sometimes!" "I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you and you and you! You all deserve to die! You don't know how hard it is for me, A guy like me, To survive! Well life's unfair sometimes!" (Come out with your hands up! Come out with them up or die! Come out with your hands up! Come out now or we will shoot!) (Come out with your hands up! Come out with them up or die! Come out with your hands up! Come out now or we will shoot!) Nooooo! I want Johnny Cash back! I want him back! I want him back! (La la la, etc.)

Sheet white face. A hospital case. There lay my dearest Daisy. Beeping machines; Sleep without dreams. They've drugged her; High and crazy. (Trigger her.) I can't figure it out. (It's getting bigger.) Doctor help me get it out. (She's bleeding.) It's fuelled with laughs and shouts. (Get better.) My baby's been shot. She woke up today, With a frown on her face. My dearest daisy's wilted. Don't know what to say. One look at her face, Makes my heart feel so jilted. (Trigger her.) I can't figure it out. (It's getting bigger.) Doctor help me get it out. (She's bleeding.) It's fuelled with laughs and shouts. (Get better.) My baby's been shot. Daisy got shot. I've plugged her wounds with love. Daisy got shot. What's all this rich, red stuff? Daisy got shot. I've plugged her wounds with love. Daisy got shot. What's all this rich, red stuff? [Break] Daisy got shot. I've plugged her wounds with love. Daisy got shot. What's all this rich, red stuff? Daisy got shot. I've plugged her wounds with love. Daisy got shot. What's all this rich, red... stuff?!

I used to think the Earth revolved around the sun. You're the ones who are stupid. You're the fools! Everyone! Except you. You believed me when no-one else would. Fell in love with you more than I should have. 'Cos the world is a time-bomb and my wristwatch is two minutes late. I've been waiting. Waiting so long for this day. For this trial. And this judgement, the jury's away. Come take my hand, my darling girl. We're both witnesses to the end of the world. With balls of fire and pillars of salt; It's all my fault. I used to think that magic made the apple fall. And a man named Newton said that's not the case at all. But I know that's not true. And it made him hysterical, When I said the world's not spherical. I turned round and told him that round things would never stay still. I've been waiting. Waiting so long for this day. (For this day. For this day.) Now we're inhaling acrid gasses, And we're still dying. Come take my hand, my darling girl. We're both witnesses to the end of the world. With balls of fire and pillars of salt; Look what I have found, lying on the ground: Love. As we await the well-lit transition, I shouldn't tempt fate with my Doomsday predictions. So pay no attention to Darwin's speculations. If you do it will be too late. If you do it will be too late. Come take my hand, my darling girl. We're both witnesses to the end of the world. Let's share warm lips with racing hearts, And wait for the fireworks to start. Come take my hand, my darling girl. We're both witnesses to the end of the world. With balls of fire and pillars of salt; It's all my fault. And I'm sorry...

Have you ever thought about murdering your wife? Push her off a building and then claim she took a dive? Claim she took a dive. Have you ever thought about killing your wife? About cutting out the nagging and the lies and the strife? The nagging? The lies? The nagging? The lies? The nagging, the lies and the strife. Darling, your friends are going to miss you, When you're gone. Oh honey, the boys are going to miss you, When they no longer can kiss you. 'Cos you're six feet down. You're underground. You're six feet down, And your friends can't help you now. Have you ever fantasised about ending her life? Cut her into pieces and then bake her into pies? Into tasty, wife-flavoured pies. Have you ever though about doctoring her will? Feed her lots of poisoned pills and say she just fell ill? Do you think you have it in you to kill? Darling, your friends are going to miss you, When you're gone. Oh honey, the boys are going to miss you, When they no longer can kiss you. 'Cos you're six feet down. You're underground. You're six feet down, And your friends can't help you now. Have you ever thought about chopping her in half, And then soaking her for days in a cast-iron, acid bath? Would you consider chopping her in half? Have you ever thought about murdering your wife? Sneaking up behind her with a rusty butter knife? Have you planned how to murder your wife? Oh Officer! Told you I didn't kill her. She told me she's staying with her sister. Your honour! I was playing golf, sir. You can check my alibi 29 times, If you would like. Darling, your friends are going to miss you, When you're dead. Oh honey, the boys are going to miss you, When they no longer can kiss you. 'Cos you're six feet down. You're underground. You're six feet down. Under the ground. You're six feet down. You're under ground, you're Six feet down, Under the ground, you're, Six feet down, (There's a faint banging sound) And your friends can't help you now!

Please! please! please! Don't go reaching for that cookie jar. It's on the highest shelf. The highest shelf! I know you couldn't reach that far. You're gonna damage yourself. Damaged beyond repair. But hey now! Hey now! Hey now! It's like you just don't seem to care. Yes but I know that you know that we think that you are not feeling alright. And you know that we think that you are no longer not looking so tight. And you say: "It's pulling me down. This gravity has got me. Yeah it's getting me down. Why are you all looking at me so weird?" "It's pulling me down. This gravity has got me. Yeah it's crushing my bones. My shins are digging into my toes." And you ask me: "Why? Oh why? Oh wh-y-y-y-y-y-y-y?" Well I know I know I know I know I know just why: It's because I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. And I feel fine. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. And I feel great. There's never anything left on my plate. Please excuse me I need to go to the ladies' room. I'm just powdering my nose. Powdering my nose. I don't care what you assume. I'm gonna throw it all up. Throw it all up. Throw up my expensive meal. But hey now! Hey now! Hey now! I just don't get what's the big deal! 'Cos I know that you know that we think that you are not feeling alright. And you know that we think that you are no longer not looking so tight. And you say: "I'm flying so high! This gravity ain't got me. Yeah I'm nearly see through. Why are you all looking at me so weird?" "I'm flying so high! This gravity ain't got me. You can see my bones. See them poking out from under my clothes?" And you ask me: "Why? Oh why? Oh wh-y-y-y-y-y-y-y?" Well I know I know I know I know I know just why: It's because I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. And I feel fine. Oh I love everybody except when that body is mine. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. And I feel great. I don't know what it was, But it must've been something I ate! I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. And I feel fine. Oh I love everybody except when that body is mine. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. I've got a [Boom-Boom] eating disorder. And I feel great. I don't know what it was, But it must've been something I ate! Or didn't...

And he said "0.1.0.1.1.0.0." No he didn't "1.1.0.1.1.1." And then he 1'ed, then he 0'ed And he never 1.1.0'ed. 1.1.1. always thinking bout his 0. I'm so bored. Will you just shut up? Shut up? Shut up! Shut up! Will you insist on talking binary, Whilst supping on your cup of tea? Can we go yet, mummy? Sitting there I twiddle thumbs, To conversation chewing gum. Can we go yet, mummy? Mummy? Don't tell anyone about the 1.1.1. It'll come back to bite me, If you don't keep schtum. Will you insist on talking binary, Whilst supping on your cup of tea? Can we go yet, mummy? Sit here for what seems an age, On chairs that feel like razor blades. Can we go yet, mummy? Mummy? For you it comes easily, To natter over coffee. Don't you care who's listening? It comes easily, And it doesn't matter to me, But you're gossip teeth are glistening. I think somehow that we should go now. Please now? Talking in code. Talking in code. Why don't we go? Pretty pretty please? Pretty pretty please? Can we leave? Will you insist on talking binary, Whilst supping on your cup of tea? Can we go yet, mummy? Sitting picking plastic daisies. So bored I read Yellow Pages. Can we go yet, mummy? Mummy?